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For Immediate Release: May 20, 1997
Dinosaurs Once Shook the Earth, Now They're Running Canada
Early this morning, Guerrilla Media's (GM) crack unit of film producers finished placing over 1,000 Jurassic Park-like movie posters in newspaper boxes. From Vancouver to Coquitlam, for the past three days, passersby have been exposed to GM's latest creation: LOST COUNTRY, Jurassic Parliament.
"After setting back Canada's social programs 65 million years through their $7 billion in cuts to social programs, the pea-brained Tyrannosaurus Grits under Jean Chretien's leadership show no signs of reversing their destructive ways," says GM spokesperson and chief geneticist Noam de Plöm. "We just wanted to remind voters that a Liberal is a Tory is a Reformer. All three right-wing parties have either cut or plan to further gut our social programs."
The Liberals were elected in 1993 to put Canada back to work. Instead 1.5 million people still can't find work. If the number of people who have given up looking for jobs are included, the number of unemployed rises to 2.2 million. This is the greatest period of high unemployment since the Depression.
"The only kind of jobs, jobs, jobs that the Liberals, Reformers and Tories are really talking about during this election are the snowjobs that they and their spin doctors are laying on the voters," says de Plöm.
"The real dinosaurs were wiped out years ago, and in our scientific opinion, extinction is just a matter of time for neo-conservatives," hypothesized de Plöm. "In fact, an acceleration of the evolutionary process on June 2 is just what this country needs."
Guerrila
Media is a group of highly-educated, rich, middle-class,
white entrepreneurs who are turning out to be class
traitors. Oh, well.
l
